Elena Undone

"Elena (Necar Zadegan, 24) is married to a pastor at a conservative church, and when they find out they can't have more children, she goes to an adoption center where she meets Peyton (Traci Dinwiddie, Supernatural) - an out lesbian. An unlikely friendship develops which leads to more...."

Last night I made the long, long trek to La Crescenta with my buddy Lisa to be a background actor on a film that a bunch of my friends are working on, called Elena Undone. Written and Directed by Nicole Conn; produced by Marina Bader, Jane Clark, and JD Disalvatore.

The concept of the film is great and from the dialogue I heard, it is beautifully written. The leads are gorgeous and very friendly. This is definitely going to be a MUST SEE FILM, and not just because you may catch a glimpse of me.

The film shoot was a lot of fun, and I loved having Lisa with me as this was her first experience on a film set, and my first experience working in a Lesbian Film...I hope I was butch enough. Michael Coulombe, script supervisor on the film, was also happy to have Lisa there as it made him seem more important than he actually is while he gave her a backstage tour of what was going on in a scene. I bet you thought I was finally going to have an entry that didn't include that silly "mo", Michael, no such luck. I swear that bitch is stalking me!!

upon arriving on set I naturally had to make sure that the execs and leads noticed me by wearing a white shirt under my navy blue v-neck sweater, sending me straight to wardrobe for a new shirt. Honestly though, I thought the white shirt might have been OK since it was partly covered... Live and learn I guess.

After I got back from wardrobe, I was able to say hello to my friends working on the film. That is when the drama started. JD and Michael were about three seconds away from mud wrestling each other in speedos to determine whose friend I actually was. Thankfully when it got to the arm wrestling match JD won as Michael submitted by sticking his gay little ass in the air. I'm not sure he fully understood the concept of arm wrestling...

As is normally the case on film sets, we were requested to show up at a certain time (Call time); however, that does not mean you will be needed or working immediately at that time. Luckily for me and the rest of the background actors they set us up in a VIP cabana next to the Craft services table so that we could snack on animal crackers and red vines while we waited. The only thing our VIP cabana was missing was a bottle of MOET and nearly naked sexy cabana boys and girls. It did include a lovely Verizon Wireless dead zone, so I was unable to keep my tens of readers/followers fully update on the tweet box. Stupid Verizon and their stupid maps! What's a gay to do??? Jeesh!

Finally it was time for a few of the background peeps to go to set and do their thing. The set was absolutely beautiful, with a nicely decorated hors d'oeuvre table, Christmas lights, and fabric hanging from various locations. The draped fabric kind of reminded me of a scene in the "Total Eclipse" music video.

When the background actors were set into place for the first shot, I was excited as Lisa and I were placed in some prime locations; right behind the lead actors. My excitement; however, was shortly lived as after the first take, Lisa and I were moved; not once, but twice. I didn't think it was really a big deal at the moment; however, later Michael told me that I was moved because, "The only part of you we could see in the shot was your massive buldge right over the leads sholder. It was really distracting." I guess we now know why he keeps following me around! We later referred to my crotch bulge as another extra.

Speaking of the extras/background actors, we had a really good group on the film. Everyone seemed to be getting along well and having great conversations in our down time or our pantomime during scenes; the latter being more difficult as it involved reading lips. At one point I could have sworn that Lisa told me she tasted like Halibut after I asked if she liked pineapple juice... That was something I really didn't need to know.

The last shot that the background actors were needed for was basically for background party noise so we were able to actually speak during this time. The main conversation I seemed to have at this time was about my new invention, the SNOOGIE. You see the snoogie is similar to a snuggie, but for two people at the same time. You can basically think of it as a sex poncho. Unfortunately, I doubt that conversation will be used in the film, but you never know.

After that our night came to an end and Lisa and I began the long drive back to Anaheim, which brings up a very good question. When the fuck am I moving to LA???? Hopefully soon, my darlings.

This morning I woke up to hundreds of emails that I should check out Perez's website. Normally I try to stay clear of it, because I don't think his "doodle drawings" are all that funny, but, "What the heck," I thought.

DAMN YOU PEREZ!!!!!!

The Border Update!!

Here is the music that my models used to walk down the runway in the upcoming film, The Border; directed by Henri Charr. Just imagine my surprise when the music came up and it just happened to be my favorite new artist, Lady Gaga. I hope they are able to use this song in the actual film...That would be awesome!!!

I checked IMDB for information on the film, there is a site up for it, but I have not yet been credited for being involved. I am new to the whole IMDB thing so I am not sure if I have to add myself or what. IMDB said that it's release date is scheduled for Feb 3, 2009. I will give you more updates as they come up, but in the meantime enjoy "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga. Too bad the model in the white towel wasn't in the scene with me...Maybe in the sequel.

Only a True DIVA Arrived With Drama

A few weeks ago I got a call from a friend that I worked on my second film, "Chronicles of a Lonely Mind," with. Her name is Erin, and she was calling to see if I would interested in helping out on her current project called, "The Border." Thinking it sounded like it would be a blast, I quickly agreed and was book to play Austin Lypkinn, a gay fashion designer with a fetish for safety pins.

The day of the shoot I woke up early and headed to Downtown LA for my 6:30 am call time. Of course, assuming that there would lots of traffic and forgetting that the next day was a holiday, I left at 5:00. I clearly wanted to stop off at Starbucks, but realized as soon as I got there, that I clearly woke up before God...literally. (God meaning Starbucks!!)

Seeing that Starbucks was closed I decided to just head to the shoots location. The freeway was dead, there was no one around and I arrived in Downtown LA an hour before the shoot. Bored out of my mind I whipped out my cell phone and began texting my friend Micheal telling him about the shoot and how excited I was to finally be back on a film set.

The texting continued and my call time drew nearer. I decided I better get out of the car and feed the meter a little before figuring out where a safe place to park would be. As I walked back to the driver side door to sit back in my car, I noticed my car keys were sitting on the seat...I had locked the car door!!!!

"Just great!" I thought, "Only a true DIVA arrives with drama!"

Luckily I had my AAA card with me, I was able to call them and they came out within 20 minutes to open the door for me. Shortly after we began to block my first scene of the day; backstage at a fashion show. I did not have any lines in this scene; however they did want some bacjground chatter while they established what was going on in the scene. This meant I got to do a little improve. I had a blast as in this scene I was able to establish my character, a cross between a Project Runway finalist and Janice Dickenson. (When she is being "mean.")

Apparently a lot of the crew liked what I was doing as well as they kept coming up to me between takes repeating something I had just said. "DID I GIVE YOU BLACK??? THEN THA'S WHAT I WANT!!!"

In the next scene we shot all the fashion designers got to show of their clothing lines. Mine was called "Precious Vicious Clothing," which is slightly difficult to say so I got a little nervous about screwing it up. Oh yeah, they also changed my lines within an hour of shooting that scene so I was afraid that I would forget my lines, luckily I did not.

The entire day was so great, I had an amazing time and cannot wait to see this film. In the meantime the photos that I have will just have to do.

A little preview

For those of you that might be new to "Hollywood Nobody" I decided to post the last installment of the blog for your enjoyment...Think of it as a little preview of whats to come!
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"Chronicles Behind the Scenes Interviews - Hollywood Nobody"
- Originally posted Monday June 16, 2008


Last week my friend Chris picked me up and we drove up to Calabasas to do behind the scenes interviews for his film, Chronicles of a Lonely Mind. I of course was quite nervous because I have seen these interviews before and all the actors seemed so articulate and insightful; I was unsure if I would be able to do the same. Luckily for me I had an idea of what they would ask before my interview started.

We arrived in Calabasas around 4:00; the traffic was pretty normal for Southern California at that time in the afternoon/evening. Unfortunately the other people who needed to be there in order to start shooting were a little late, so we went scouting for a location. We decided on a small park with an awesome jungle gym. While we waited for the other's we played a little and had some lunch.

Since this was a small park, one can imagine the bathrooms were not as elegant as the four seasons. I couldn't believe it; even though we were in hoidy-toidy Calabasas, there were no bidets or marble counter tops in this park bathroom. I was sorely disappointed. The bathroom was so bad, the toilets were not flushing properly...No need to go into detail for you to imagine what was lurking beneath island of toilet paper floating within it's faux stainless steel confines.

Later I started my interview and thought that I did a pretty good job of sounding like I knew what I was talking about. "Wow," I thought, "Not bad for a 'Hollywood Nobody'; perhaps things are looking up."

At one point we found a beach ball and began playing with that throughout the interview process. Everyone making sure that they stayed out of the muddy area near the table we were using. At the end of the night, I noticed the ball was laying right in front of me, so I sped up in order to get one good kick in.

I approached the ball, quickly picking up speed. I then pulled my leg back, winding it up, in order to really give the ball the kicking of its life. My right foot had just begun to make contact with the ball when I felt my left foot suddenly drop down and become stuck. Since I had picked up so much speed trying to kick the ball with my right foot, my left had no problem dislodging itself from it's earthly confines with a loud fwap.

By the time it was all over I was very disappointed that the earth had swallowed up my left foot slowing me down. I certainly was not able to give the beach ball the kicking I though it rightfully deserved. It was as though I could hear the ball mocking me.

I looked down at my shoe and noticed it was still covered in mud, so I entered the bathroom, which truly was decorated as though it belonged in a prison cell (been there done that). I looked around for paper towels; finding none I decided to use the toilet seat covers to wipe the mud off my shoes.

As I continued whipping away at the mud, I looked down and noticed that this mud was unlike any I have ever seen before. It looked more like a tarish substance. Suddenly it hit me like a bag of bricks, not that I would know what it feels like to be hit by a bag of bricks; this was no ordinary mud...It was as though I was finishing one of those connect the dots games as the big picture suddenly became clearer to me.

The area behind the bathroom with the grate filled with water; about to over flow...The mud in the lawn near the doors to the bathroom that extended towards our table...The fact that the area where my foot had sunk had previously been a mud safe zone...The toilets backed up with various fluids from the parks guest....That is when I realized

OH MY GOD....THAT GRATE WAS AN OVERFLOWING SEPTIC SYSTEM!!!

Here I thought I did such as good job sounding like a real professional actor during my interview for Chronicles and at the end of the day I find myself ankle deep in the aged and decaying fecal matter of complete strangers!!