For those of you that might be new to "Hollywood Nobody" I decided to post the last installment of the blog for your enjoyment...Think of it as a little preview of whats to come!
"Chronicles Behind the Scenes Interviews - Hollywood Nobody"
- Originally posted Monday June 16, 2008
Last week my friend Chris picked me up and we drove up to Calabasas to do behind the scenes interviews for his film, Chronicles of a Lonely Mind. I of course was quite nervous because I have seen these interviews before and all the actors seemed so articulate and insightful; I was unsure if I would be able to do the same. Luckily for me I had an idea of what they would ask before my interview started.
We arrived in Calabasas around 4:00; the traffic was pretty normal for Southern California at that time in the afternoon/evening. Unfortunately the other people who needed to be there in order to start shooting were a little late, so we went scouting for a location. We decided on a small park with an awesome jungle gym. While we waited for the other's we played a little and had some lunch.
Since this was a small park, one can imagine the bathrooms were not as elegant as the four seasons. I couldn't believe it; even though we were in hoidy-toidy Calabasas, there were no bidets or marble counter tops in this park bathroom. I was sorely disappointed. The bathroom was so bad, the toilets were not flushing properly...No need to go into detail for you to imagine what was lurking beneath island of toilet paper floating within it's faux stainless steel confines.
Later I started my interview and thought that I did a pretty good job of sounding like I knew what I was talking about. "Wow," I thought, "Not bad for a 'Hollywood Nobody'; perhaps things are looking up."
At one point we found a beach ball and began playing with that throughout the interview process. Everyone making sure that they stayed out of the muddy area near the table we were using. At the end of the night, I noticed the ball was laying right in front of me, so I sped up in order to get one good kick in.
I approached the ball, quickly picking up speed. I then pulled my leg back, winding it up, in order to really give the ball the kicking of its life. My right foot had just begun to make contact with the ball when I felt my left foot suddenly drop down and become stuck. Since I had picked up so much speed trying to kick the ball with my right foot, my left had no problem dislodging itself from it's earthly confines with a loud fwap.
By the time it was all over I was very disappointed that the earth had swallowed up my left foot slowing me down. I certainly was not able to give the beach ball the kicking I though it rightfully deserved. It was as though I could hear the ball mocking me.
I looked down at my shoe and noticed it was still covered in mud, so I entered the bathroom, which truly was decorated as though it belonged in a prison cell (been there done that). I looked around for paper towels; finding none I decided to use the toilet seat covers to wipe the mud off my shoes.
As I continued whipping away at the mud, I looked down and noticed that this mud was unlike any I have ever seen before. It looked more like a tarish substance. Suddenly it hit me like a bag of bricks, not that I would know what it feels like to be hit by a bag of bricks; this was no ordinary mud...It was as though I was finishing one of those connect the dots games as the big picture suddenly became clearer to me.
The area behind the bathroom with the grate filled with water; about to over flow...The mud in the lawn near the doors to the bathroom that extended towards our table...The fact that the area where my foot had sunk had previously been a mud safe zone...The toilets backed up with various fluids from the parks guest....That is when I realized
OH MY GOD....THAT GRATE WAS AN OVERFLOWING SEPTIC SYSTEM!!!
Here I thought I did such as good job sounding like a real professional actor during my interview for Chronicles and at the end of the day I find myself ankle deep in the aged and decaying fecal matter of complete strangers!!