On The Cutting Room Floor

Recently (April 19) one of my films, The Border, had it's world premiere in LA. Shooting this film was, by far, one of the more interesting experiences I have had as we shot my scenes in a movie studio instead of a location that was rented out for the evening. I am not saying that one of these is preferable to the other, just that it was an interesting experience as you could go from the room we were shooting in (backstage and catwalk at a fashion show) into another room set up for 70's retro porn...You know the kind with knee highs and Afro hairdos.

My character was Austin Lypkinn, a flamboyant clothing designer that I played as across between Christian Siriano and Janice Dickinson. Let's just say I was a demanding fierce bitch, and as far as I could tell everyone on set was loving what I was doing. During the backstage scene our conversations were all improved, after most of the takes, I could hear people commenting on a line I had just said. Usually it was something mean I just said to my models like, "It's not the dress, bitch it's you." or, "Did I give you black??? Then that's what I want."

After such a positive experience during shooting I was so anxious to finally get a chance to see the entire finished product. 5 months later I heard rumors amungst some of the cast I am still in contact with, that the film would be premiering on April 19th. As the date drew nearer and nearer I found it unsettleing that I had not gotten my invitiation to the premier and contacted somone regarding the obvious error that occured at the e-mail post office. Stupid e-mail post man...

As it turned out, the theater had limited seating so not everyone was invited to go, but I had a loop hole as a fellow cast mate and friend had been invited and I could possible go as her plus one! Ahh the life of a Hollywood Socialite, sneeking your way into movie premiers that you weren't invited to through the emergency exit of the theatre, just so the paparazzi wont bother you.

Oh I was so excited, until a once in a lifetime opportunity arouse for me to go on a Mexican Riviera Cruise with RSVP vacations for practically free. Clearly I jumped on the new opportunity and was sailing off with literally a boat load of homos to Mexico. For those of you wondering, I did not contract the Swine Flu while in Mexico, but I did see some dirty pigs on board the ship...

The Cruise was an amazing experience and I was able to meet Debbie (Fucking) Reynolds!!! Not only that, but she knew my name, and my right hand shook her right hand. In a way this means that my right hand, through transfurance, may or may not have touched Frank Sinatra's balls...or Dean Martin's; take your pick.

Also I feel I should mention that while on board the ship, a creepy old man offered me $250 dollars for a little under the covers fun. EXCUSE ME!!! $250!!! That's all??? When I mentioned this to one of the headliners during her performance the other cruisers started an auction for my ass...It only got up to $500, which would have paid for my entire cruise, but I declined. Number one, I'm not a whore...Number two, this ass hasn't been tapped in six years...Do you know how tight this shit is??? It's re-vigirnized, that's worth a lot more than $500

Upon returning from the cruise, I contacted my friend who went to the premier about the film. She said it was fabulous, but that she hated to be the bearer of bad news. Apparently not only was I not invited to the premier, but they also left my scenes in a bloody mess on the cutting room floor. As an actor, you learn to accept that these things happen and it often has no reflection on your performance, but is a matter of time constraints...or at least that's what my friend who is a director tells me... Hopefully the editor hasn't taken out the trash and I can sweep my scenes up off the floor and put them into my acting reel.